The Seven Types of Computer Geek


Behind every computer there’s a computer geek, but not all express their geekery in the same way. From the web-savvy wacko to the graphics obsessed gamer, check out OutletPC’s list of the seven types of computer geek.

1. The Internet Geek

The mark of The Internet Geek is what happens to them when their internet goes down. If the phrase “This page cannot display correctly” leaves you crying, screaming, cursing, drowning kitty cats, or turning into the Incredible Hulk, you may be an Internet Geek. Other symptoms of internet geekery include: sweaty palms resulting from not telling anyone what you ate for breakfast and/or being able to name at least ten famous web-memes in 30 seconds or less.


2. The Gaming Geek

The Gaming Geek has three monitors, a thirteen hundred dollar graphics card, a car that doesn’t work, and three World of Warcraft accounts. Aside from an ability to macro, micro, snipe, not-wipe, and grind, Gaming Geeks are also set apart by their uncanny ability to make sandwiches and go to the bathroom at amazing speeds. You may be a Gaming Geek if you know the source/meaning of at least five of the following ten words: FTW, The Conduit, Zeratul, Wirt’s Leg, SooSoon!, Mankrik’s Wife, S.P.E.C.I.A.L., Grav. Gun, Culture Bomb, or “Seth, just Seth. From God, to Kane, to Seth.”





3. The Overclocker

The Overclocker is the PC-equivalent to Vin Diesel . . . or the kid you knew in high school that put ground effects on a Honda CRX (depending on who you ask). Like Vin, The Over-Clocker will shamelessly trick out their computer until it resembles a muscle car more than it does a PC. Other symptoms of Overclock-ed-ness include knowing the best place to buy liquid nitrogen and not having a girlfriend.





4. The Network Geek

If you’ve ever known someone with a home server, you’ve known The Network Geek. Marked by a fiery passion for connecting things to other things, you’ll find the typical Network Geek teaching routers to do back flips, reciting their five favorite IP addresses, and pinging . . . things. You may be a Network Geek if you can sketch a network map that would allow you to print to your desktop printer from the moon.




5. The Programmer

You know The Programmer; he’s the guy that wants to marry Linux and is the author of the most boring website of all time. In high school, he programmed a Star Wars text adventure on his TI-86 calculator and, when feeling especially nostalgic, will lovingly double click on the first program he ever created—a random number generator that will sometimes output the word poop. Other Programmer tip-offs include a freezer full of frozen burritos and the ability to count to a hundred in binary.



6. The iGeek

The iGeek loves two things—Apple products, and the warm feeling he/she gets from telling others why not-Apple is the devil. This guy looks forward to Apple product releases like The Internet Geek looks forward to the next Harry Potter and proudly syncs his iPhone to his iPad to his iPod Shuffle to his iMac to his MacBook to his Apple TV to his designer T-Shirt and glasses. The iGeek is known to drink Starbucks, and only Starbucks, while eating organic, and only organic.




7. The Old-Computer Geek

Ah the Old-Computer Geek—these guys know everything about computers, and proudly use their knowledge to keep their ten-year-old Pentium 4 computer running at peak efficiency (because this ol’ girl’s still got plenty left in ‘er). The Old-Computer Geek is known to spend hours cruising the internet, looking for the best price on DDR RAM, 80 gigabyte hard drives, CRT monitors, and, hopefully, a better job so they can afford a new computer.

Which kind of geek are you? Did I miss any? Post in the comments below and you’ll win the “having-commented-on-this-blog-is-it’s-own-reward” award! Also, no matter what kind of geek you are, you’ll find everything you need to feed your geekery here at OutletPC.

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2 thoughts on “The Seven Types of Computer Geek

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